I am here spending the worst part of Covid on a secret beach in El Salvador. I initially came here to get away from the United States Craziness and for Alastar to attend a wonderful bi-lingual Waldorf-based outdoor school for the winter--as Colorado had begun to feel stressful in a stifled way and I don't believe in unnecessary suffering.
Now that I am here I realize that I came to learn some very deep things about myself as a healer and broadening my ability to offer divine energy on a grand scale: Functioning from a place of empathy is dangerous and potentially abusive to others and it is more possible to be an asset to this world if I am operating without it.
Empathy Definition: ability to imagine oneself in the condition of another; a vicarious participation in another’s emotions
Compassion Definition: sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others.
Sympathy Definition: understanding between people; common feeling.
Vicarious participation in other people's feelings isn't healthy! It is not my place to even try to feel other people's emotions. It is my duty and drama to feel into my own emotions, thoughts, ideas and intuitions as much as possible.
I am part of a generation of women who were raised by often single mothers that were just moving away from the self-sacrificing ideals of women in the 1950's and before. The way to move away from that was to become secretly independent. My mother's generation feigns participation in that antiquated system, but then rebels in passive aggressive ways; over-extending self in service to others, ala subdued matriarch over the last 1000 years, but then quietly striking at those they serve by taking back energy in passive aggressive ways and expressing distain secretly in a language that is just now gathering words.
This is often and lately referred to as the narcissistic/empath loop, but that idea is so common it is loosing meaning. There is so much more to understand about it if one is willing to look at what lies beyond this cycle for both sides.
So what happens to daughters like me? How do we cope with a childhood filled with uncertainty and brain/emotional development ride on a pendulum that swings between lashes at our self confidence by our own mothers and the idea that we must be to be ultra-strong and independent to survive? We get very good at feeling other people's emotions and guessing what is actually going on--never trusting what someone says, but instead trying to read energy and to always be prepared for the floor to drop out beneath us.
If you combine a great ability towards empathy with inter-generationally endowed intuition and a strong ability to heal others energetically, you get a woman like me who feels that her calling is to offer to others, but has to work hard to avoid martyrdom. We can even thrive in this manner, developing careers based on our supreme healing a